Today is my Mom’s birthday. I have very mixed feelings. When is it really a celebration and when is it a memory? The older I get the more my view of things change. When I was young celebrating my birthday was a real celebration. Excitement, eagerness, looking forward to what the next year will bring. Then the older I got, the less I looked forward to that, and after a while it was with dread, but then I am coming around to a full circle, but for very different reasons.
For some time now I have been thinking about death. No, not morbid thoughts about dying, but really trying to make up my mind what it is all about. The concept of life after life has been drilled into me since infancy and has become ingrained. It is interwoven with myth, religion and fancy, with childhood images of beautifully colored fields of flowers, sunshine and a feeling of euphoria. My heaven has always been populated with dogs and cats. It is not heaven without them.
Yet the older I get, the more curious I am about it. Having read a lot about out-of-body experiences, as well as what has been written by several people who have died and came back, I am very curious about that sort of adventure.
A totally different concept than any worldly adventure. Being without a hampering body yet able to perceive, feel and act is a difficult concept to wrap my mind around. Yet a fascinating concept. Just the buoyant feeling of lightness being rid of a cumbersome body, the lack of any sort of pain or ache produced by a decaying body, and the freedom of movement to go anywhere I want.
Then there is the joy of being united with the loved ones who have preceded me. The excitement of this reunion. Will they be aware of what has happened to me or will we spend time exchanging news? Or being sprits will there be an instantaneous, full knowledge of everything and a meshing of spirits through the love we hold for one another?
Then this wonderful, all pervading warmth of God’s love. This is what has been drilled into me and which has now become a part of my psychological make-up. God loves me and will take me into His light when I cross over. I shall be forever safe and happy, surrounded by my loved ones, humans and animals, with no worries, physical pain or mental anguish. A beautiful existence where there is nothing but love and joy.
So what about hell? I think we already go through that here on earth. We have physical pain and mental and spiritual anguish. How much worse can hell be?
This concept of heaven and hell has made me rethink which are the real dates for celebration. Shouldn’t our date of birth be remembered with sadness for that was the beginning of all our trials and tests of endurance? True there were times of joy and love, but always with the shadow of pain and the threat of ending. So maybe the date that should be really celebrated is the date when we are released from all that and where we are finally united with our Maker and with all our loved ones, and forever, without pain.
Without understanding this concept, people would think me crazy if they found me celebrating the anniversary of my Mom’s release to heaven, and feeling a bit sad on the anniversary of her birth. We feel sad on the day our loved ones are united with their Maker because we are selfish and do not want to let them go. But if we think about it less selfishly we would realize that this is really the day to celebrate their eternal life of being enfolded in God’s love and happily secure with our loved ones.
Being still alive I have now a very exciting adventure to look forward to, and a totally different concept of what is worthwhile celebrating.
3 December, 2017.