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What a difference your outlook does to the way the world appears to you. I have been living in a dark dungeon, full of pain and dread. I was so down, I could barely speak, let alone function properly, while being required to care for my Mom and ensure that she gets her medical as well as all other needs. I was exhausted, deprived of sleep, and generally at a very low ebb indeed. I had reached a point where I could not even answer my friends’ calls. I was conserving all that was left of my energy to taking care of my Mom, which she needed a lot of, over the past ten days.
But I think we are approaching the fork beyond which we will be out of the woods. First, the pain killers are now being effective and she is no longer in the screaming agony that was torturing her and me. Second the antibiotics seem to be working, so although she is still very weak, she is no longer in that half comatose state she was in those past few days. Third, she had a full night’s sleep … and so did I. What a difference that does to your energy, morale and outlook on life as a whole.
For the past few days I did not even look out the window, did not know if the sun was out or not, but today, after what seems like weeks, I actually looked out at a beautiful sunlit scene of greenery and flowers, I finally saw beauty again.
I shall forever be grateful to my family and friends who have done their best to help me out at my time of need. It is the warmth of love and care, be it in a gesture of a telephone call, a written word of encouragement, a blitz visit just to check in on me, or the gorgeous bouquet of flowers that has lit up the room and forced a splash of beautiful pink into my dark hours.
I am indeed blessed. Blessed by the love of a God who has answered my prayers that my Mom gets better, blessed by the love of family and friends whose warmth has taken the chill of fear out of the past few days. I am now in a position to see a ray of hope, the light filtering through the dark net of despair, the ability to take a full, deep breath of air, fill my lungs and finally feel a smile creeping up to my lips.
Even though my Mom still has some pain, towards the end of the effect of the pain killer and before the new dose takes effect, yet it is nothing like those first few days. This is tolerable, both to her and to me. We are now about to get into that long tedious stage of recuperation. This is where patience, on her part and mine, will be sorely tried. But we got through the worst of it, now we can get through anything. Hope is such a magical feeling, it turns darkness into color, silence into music and despair into laughter. The world looks and sounds different, it feels lighter and so much warmer, I can now actually look at food, read something, understand it and coherently react to it. I can play with my pets and actually laugh at their antics. Life is coming back in full color. Thank you God for all your blessings.