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I had taken one of those herbal sleeping pills and slept for a solid six hours and then another three on and off. But when I did surface it was 9.20 I immediately called the hospital to check on Mom. They answered to say that the doctors were doing the rounds and could I call back in another thirty minutes. I felt uncomfortable because when my Mom had had cardiac arrest they told me that there was an emergency and they could not let me in. So whenever they don’t give me a straight answer I become suspicious. Ten minutes later I called again, same runaround, that there was a case being treated and they cannot tell me anything. I hung up, jumped into my clothes, dragged my poor friend, dashed to the car and drove like a maniac to the hospital, was in ICU at 10. It was her. It seemed that she had choked and they had to work hard to get her throat cleared, discovered that she had an infection which might be pneumonia. They put in an oxygen tube down her throat to her lungs and she is now again being assisted to breath. What shocked me though was, that she is aware. I said : Hello Mumzy, and she looked me in the eye. She recognized me, she saw me. There was a look in her eyes which I think said : it hurts. That look killed me. There was nothing I could do to help her, all I could do is mouth platitudes like it’s ok, don’t worry, everything will be fine! Stupid, stupid words that don’t help one bit. She closed her eyes and turned her head. I cannot blame her. I asked the ICU nurse if they are giving her painkillers and she said they were. I only hope they are enough. The one thing I don’t want for her is for her to feel pain. And she is in pain. Please God, touch her with Your hand, give her the peace she needs, take away her pain. If it means gathering her to You, so be it. You are merciful and all loving, please have mercy on her and shower her with Your love and peace.
My friend needed to go home so her daughter picked her up and I had to get back to take my shower and dress properly. The weather had turned filthy. A sandstorm from Libya is covering Cairo. It is close, overcast with the smell of dust thick in the air. I went back to the apartment, had my shower, dressed appropriately for the weather and went back. When I got there I was told that they need another two packs of blood, they needed to transfuse blood to her. I got the ball rolling for that. Then they needed another vial of medication that I had to buy as it is not on their list, so I did, then settled down waiting for my brother and for my friend. Once they all arrived it was a bit better. Company is essential when you are in trouble.
My friend brought me something to eat as it would be difficult to go out in such weather. My brother and his wife left shortly, but we stayed on till around five pm. The last time I went in to see her before leaving she was unaware. I settled her pillow the way she likes it, kissed her on the forehead and wished her a good night.
We then left and came home. The weather is still close, it is in tune with my internal mood. Overcast, close, breathless. Tonight another sleeping pill.
Please God take her hand and bless her, lift all her pain, give her peace and joy. She is such a beautiful human being, loving, joyful and so kind, please let her suffer no more.