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Today I fell in love. I was out to lunch at a friend’s house, then another of the guests invited me over to her house, where I fell like a ton of bricks. Love at first sight is totally irrational, and to me it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I know that for a fact, yet still, here I am, totally besotted and acting like a complete fool.
Ever since my Mom passed away just over two months ago, I have been struggling to regain my balance, make some kind of sense of my life. I have been trying to visualize my future life, but could not. Everything was up in the air. Will I continue to live in the same house? Will I move back to the city? Will I travel more? I really don’t know.
But bit by bit I found myself automatically doing things that somehow started pointing my life in a certain direction. I very deliberately started pushing myself out of my comfort zone just to see where that would take me. I am currently in the middle of that experiment. The first step was spending Holy Week at the apartment in town. Going out with my cousins, and even spending one full day totally on my own. I came through without trauma.
The second step was spending a long weekend with my brother and his family in El Gouna, where I was introduced to a few of his friends, attended a wedding and was thrilled by several boat rides. This was a resounding success. I enjoyed every minute of it and was busy all my waking hours I did not have time to brood or feel sad. I slept so well, woke up with such energy and was on the go most of the day that the weekend passed in a flash. It was suddenly over before I knew it and I was heading back home a much happier person than I was heading out. I no longer even thought of my comfort zone.
My final step in leaving my comfort zone will be my projected Nile cruise next week. I shall be a member of a group who is off on a ‘Writer’s Cruise’ where a course about writing is being given during the cruise and where I shall be one of twelve people in that course. None of whom do I know. This will be my litmus test. After this week I shall really know where I stand.
These are the three tests I am giving myself, but strangely enough I found that there were some decisions that I made, without even thinking about them. These were made automatically and they did steer me in a certain direction. Although I am booking a trip, and although I have renewed my passport with the idea of starting to travel again, yet the concrete steps I am actually taking are in a totally different direction.
I am now in the process of renovating parts of the house that have been left without maintenance for too long. I have put in new shutters and am continuing to do that. I shall be getting people to refill the grouting on the roof as it seems to have caused some water leakage that did some damage to the ceilings of some of the rooms on the second floor, so I shall be repainting those rooms. I am also looking into redoing the parquet in the hall. So it looks like subconsciously I have already decided on what kind of life I shall be leading. That I am staying put, cleaning up and renovating the house. Then today, and for the first time, I have taken a conscious, deliberate decision that will affect my future life.
I fell in love.
After lunch at my friend’s house, one of her guest whom I had met before, invited me over to her house. I went and there was the first time I set eyes on him. Absolutely beautiful, totally irresistible, and I fell like a ton of bricks. He was with his siblings, but he was the one who came forward and greeted me. He was the one who, without any kind of formal introduction nuzzled me and stuck to me. I think it was love at first sight for both of us.
I sat down and he stuck to me. We cuddled and I think that was when I finally made my decision. Yes. I will continue my life in the house, I will bring it all back to life again. I will fill it up with joy and laughter and a great deal of noise. Yes. I will adopt my new love. The most adorable, cuddly little Golden Retriever I had seen in a long time. Now that the decision has been made, if you are going for it, you might as well go for broke. So it is now TWO puppies that I am adopting, one male and one female. I am now finally out of the closet and acknowledge that I am a crazy dog-lover who is willing and eager to take on the responsibility for two new lives and relishing the fact. I have already fallen in love, and the rest is easy.
My two babies will be arriving to their new home in a couple of weeks, I have a lot to prepare for them. The staff have been alerted, and I was really surprised by the joy they showed when I told them I was getting two more dogs. This was a relief, because they are going to be an integral part in taking care of them. I am very lucky in having staff that love animals.
My life is now taking shape, and I am happy at the way it is shaping up. Now I have to think of names for the new members of the family. I am leaning towards Troy and Helen, but will keep an open mind for the next couple of weeks until they arrive.

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7 May 2014

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