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My grandfather who was a doctor used to say that health is a crown on top of the heads of the healthy which is seen only by those who are sick. Quite true. It is a well known fact that if one is physically sick, the emotional balance is upset.
Over the past few months I have been having a great deal of health problems. Nothing really drastic, but one thing leading to another, affecting something else that in turn spoils a fourth thing. This brought clearly to mind that the body is really one whole entity. You cannot cut it up to suit the specialities of doctors. Though a doctor might be specialised in one particular organ like the heart or the lungs, the kidneys or the liver, yet each and every one of those and other organs can easily affect others if it starts having problems.
Once one starts in this merry-go-round, one goes through so many tests, consultations, diagnoses, medications and therapies, it is a miracle one survives emotionally and mentally though maybe one does survive physically.
It is gradually beginning to dawn on me why elderly people are so taken up with their health and all that is wrong with it. It is like the first slipped stitch and the whole knitting disintegrates. It is quite a full time job. It starts with one hole in the dam then the dam turns into a sieve where one is just trying to stop as much as possible all that is going wrong.
For the past few weeks I had so many things to do, I stopped exercising. My exercise consisted of walking every morning with a couple of friends for a full hour. Many circumstances conspired towards stopping this rather essential activity, one of which has been the very thick fog covering the whole area till nearly noon.
This lack of exercise, plus all the medical worries have taken their toll. My spirits started plummeting and I reached a very low ebb. The final straw was when I found myself gravitating towards my Mom’s room and rummaging in her closet looking for a warm robe de chamber that she had so I can put it on. After putting it on I realised how much I have regressed. I have gone back to those early days after losing her when the only comfort I had was in wearing her clothes to feel her hugging me, keeping me warm and safe.
Nearly two years on, this is not a good place to be, so tomorrow I shall be starting my exercise program again. Physical exercise increases the endorphins which improve the mood. This downward spiralling is vicious circle that has to be deliberately broken.
I shall not go quietly into the night, I shall fight every inch of the way. My greatest and dearest wish is for me to die while jumping up and down on the dance floor and I will do my utmost to make it happen, hopefully a long time from now.
1 February 2016

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