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Two years ago my Mom passed away. It was a very difficult time for me. She was the one constant person for the whole of my life, besides being a wonderful companion and friend. To this day I still miss her very much, especially when something happens that I want to share with her. The pain is there, but contained. The memories flow. Some good, some bad, but all dear.
I read that they have finally found a cure for Alzheimer’s disease. This comes too late for her. But I am happy they did find a cure. This horrible disease not only destroys the patient but the whole family. The pain of losing a loved one in bits and pieces is pure torture. When she was lucid it was a joy, when she wasn’t it was a taste of her impending departure, the pain of which I had to go through again and again.
Two years on I find that I have come a very long way indeed. It is so true that you have to go through fire before you can find yourself. I am still somewhat scorched, but am developing into the kind of person this experience has moulded me into.
I hope I am more tolerant, more patient, more forgiving and more understanding. What I do know I have become is less prone to worry about the small stuff, care more about animals than a lot of people, and don’t really care about what people think about me. Good times, good friends and good deeds are paramount in my vocabulary of life now. Life is becoming too short to waste on anything else.
A couple of weeks before my Mom passed away, while in hospital, one evening of complete lucidity, she gave me some very good advice. She said: “Be more selfish. Do what you want. You come first”. Not realising that she was talking about my life after she is gone, I made a joke and said she would be the first loser if I did that. She smiled, but then I understood. She was right. I had dedicated the last fifteen years of my life to her and she wanted me to live for myself. Good advice Mom, that is exactly what I am doing.
I am still coming into my own. I have branched into new endeavours and am meeting a lot of new people. My life is getting fuller and richer and increasingly busy. Getting involved in animal welfare has filled up the hours with work that is sometimes a joy and often heartbreaking. This new field has broadened my horizons to encompass such extremes of human behaviour ranging from extreme cruelty to near sainthood, but mostly it is the sorry plight of these helpless creatures that moves me.
My Mom was the one who taught me my love for animals. She taught me a great deal, and bequeathed me much more. She gave me a sense of humour, an open mind and a loving heart, what more can I ask for?
Rest in peace Mummy till we meet again.
3 March 2016